Today is My Birthday & I Decided to Do Something Scary

Updated: Jul 16, 2019

Happy 6th Birthday to ME!

I’m celebrating 52 years around the sun today and I’m reveling in everything that makes me ME: pain and pleasure, joy and pain, laughter and tears, safety and insecurity, trauma and the healing.

I’ve let go of ALL of the labels from my past and am getting to know who I am and what makes me unique in this world. I can honestly say that I have no regrets and have made no mistakes. I have learned from my experiences and those experiences have shaped who I am today; someone that I love and am proud of.

Overnight something shifted in me; maybe it was the full moon, maybe it was my subconscious, maybe it was my awareness that things were getting better and better every day. The life I’ve worked for and manifested is finally happening and I don’t feel that feeling of struggle any longer. I’ve practiced gratitude for everything, negative, positive and neutral, for so long, maybe it’s finally become part of who I am and my intrinsic operating system.

When I woke up this morning, I felt differently. I don’t know if it was because it’s my birthday today or if the things have shifted into another gear to help me navigate in a more streamlined, efficient and loving way. Regardless of why, I made the conscientious decision to surrender to what is today, respond to every single person that reaches and out gives me birthday wishes, no matter who they are. No matter who they are. When I contemplated this, and you may see it in a different light, I felt fear rise up within me and my brain began to spin like a hamster on a wheel into all the “What if’s?” …

I believe that boundaries are essential in life and letting go of toxic people and relationships are part of healthy living and self-care. I also recognize that fear can play a big role in our lives. Most of the time our “What if’s” never even materialize and we’ve spent valuable time, energy and resources that are completely unnecessary.

When I work through this with my clients, I always ask them 2 things:

Once they answer these vital questions, then I can help them maneuver through the process.

In situations like this, I will take myself through the exact same scenario. I went into my self-talk mode and started the conversation:

ME: What do you want?”

SELF: “I don’t want to feel fear around who may contact today. What if X, Y, Z person reaches out? I’ve been working on healing some parts of myself regarding situations around my birthday and I don’t want to have to deal with any negativity today. I want to focus on continuing to heal, get better and move forward.”

ME: “So, not feeling fear around what may or may not happen today is what you want. Correct?”

SELF: “Yes, that is correct. When I feel fear, it makes me want to shut down and I want to celebrate today and not be fearful.”

ME: “Great – I’m proud of you for recognizing that and being able to express it in a way that feels right to you. With that being said while staying in the feeling of being fearful, go ahead and take yourself to the worst thing that could happen. If someone does contact you that you don’t want to hear from, what is going to happen?”

SELF: “Well, nothing is really going to happen. It’s not like they are going to ruin my day or make me in a bad mood. It’s just that I don’t want to send energy to that person any longer and I don’t want to hear from them.”

ME: “Remember the saying “that which we resist, persists”? When you resist something or someone, it is inherent that it will persist. You continue to be fearful of contact and because of this, it persists. Are you willing to do something scary today that may have a long-term, positive effect?”

SELF: “Of course! I don’t want to feel fearful of this any longer. I’m tired of hiding, ghosting, ignoring, deleting and blocking. It’s become a bit overwhelming and while I know it’s part of the process to do this, I’m tired of hiding.”

ME: “I just want to make sure you are willing to do what it takes to change this feeling and situation. Keep in mind, you have no control over what someone is going to do or not do. Even when you have asked them not to contact you, if they want to, they will. Can you surrender to this?”

SELF: “Yes, I embraced the concept of surrender in my life many years ago and will apply it to this scenario. I recognize that surrender allows my life to flow better, easier and healthier.”

ME: “So, the scary thing that I’m going to ask you to do today that may have a long-term, positive effect is to LOVE WHAT IS. Shift your emotion of fear to love. Whatever happens today, LOVE WHAT IS. IF someone contacts you that you don’t want to hear from, LOVE WHAT IS. Tell them thank you, ask them how they are doing and move through the fear knowing love is on the other side. If someone doesn’t show up or show up on time, LOVE WHAT IS. Let go of your expectations today and LOVE WHAT IS.

As soon as I finished this conversation with myself, guess what happened? Yep, you guessed it. One of THOSE people reached out to me. I took a deep breath, told him thank you and then asked him how he had been. We texted for a few minutes and I realized that fear had left the sacred space of my mind, body and spirit. Like I tell my clients as we work through powerful shifts like this, I sat with this feeling to let it saturate and soak through my psyche.

Uplifted, liberated and released, as soon as I came back to the present, it happened again. The Universe has a wicked sense of humor and I guess wanted to test me. I repeated the process and, once again, felt uplifted, liberated and released. What a transformative and cathartic gift I’ve given myself today as I celebrate my 52nd year around the sun on the day after the powerful, energetic shift of the full moon.


Wake up in the morning and feel anything is possible!

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